Standing On The Edge
by Autore Raita
Summary: "Please just let me off.." his voice cracked as he buried his head into his knees, sobbing "I really can't take this anymore.. Its so scary.. I'm scared.." Angst fic. 18 years old Tsuna.


Tsuna felt like screaming. Sobbing, yelling, anything. To just lose control.

Days ago, the messenger had rushed in, in the middle of their meeting with that panicked look. Right before he spoke, Tsuna already knew something was terribly wrong from the way his intuition had flared. And then it came.

Eugene was dead.

He was a boy that Tsuna had found. Literally. In the middle of the streets. That boy had no parents, no relatives and no siblings. He made a living by taking up small assassination jobs. Tsuna had seen how rough the boy's life was and had dragged him back to the Vongola headquaters regardless of his protests. He wasn't just going to leave him on the streets like that.

From there, he became closer to the boy. He was just like a little brother to him. That boy reminded him of Lambo when he was much younger. He was childish, innocent and a tad bit arrogant. But he was undoubtedly, a kind child. Tsuna could never fathom how he managed to live to this day in the dark world of Mafia, struggling with every ounce of his strength just to stay alive.

Tsuna had sworn in his heart to protect him from the Mafia. He wanted to give Eugene what he derserved. A clean, happy childhood. But it was all gone. _Shattered. _

The messenger had announced it. Eugene was assassinated by one of their enemy Famiglia in school. It was all his fault. If only he hand handled the conflict between the two families better. It never would've happened.

_Crushed. Broken. _He felt so sorry. He should never had forced the boy into the Famiglia. Perhaps that way, he might have been able to live longer. It was all _his damn fault. _

He was never going to see the grin on the child's face again. _Never again._

"Tsuna?" Yamamoto asked hesitantly.

Placing down his fork, Tsuna gently dabbed at his lips with a handkerchief nonchalantly, "Hmm?"

"Umm.. W-we haven't had the chance to ask you yet, but uh, are you alright?" Yamamoto questioned, exchanging nervous glances with the rest of the guardians.

_No, _Tsuna wanted to say. _It hurts so much it feels like my heart is being forced out._ But if he did, he knew that for sure, the rest of them would be worried for him.

Instead, he forced himself to raised his eyebrows nonchalantly, "Why wouldn't I be?"

As the dining room became engulfed with silence, Tsuna shoved his hand down as he gripped the sides of his chair tightly, struggling to put on an apathetic gaze, not realising the shocked looks his guardians were sending him.

Swallowing, Tsuna willed the tears to not well up in his eyes. This wasn't the time to be crying. Much less for him. Because he was their boss.

As he became lost in his thoughts, he was shocked by the sudden slam on the dining table.

Glancing up in surprise, he stared at Ryohei who had stood up abruptly.

"Onii..san?" he questioned, not understanding his sudden action.

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS TO THE EXTREME!" Ryohei yelled angrily, making Tsuna wince at his loud voice.

"WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS, SAWADA?! WHY AREN'T YOU UPSET FOR EUGENE TO THE EXTREME?! OR DO YOU NOT CARE THAT HE'S DEAD?! YOU'VE CHANGED TO THE EXTREME, LITTLE BRO!" Ryohei yelled, his voice echoing throughout the dining room.

Flinching at the accusation, Tsuna felt as though something had broke within him. It was true that he had fought to make it seem as though he was nonchalant. But that didn't mean that he didn't care. He had known that the maids around were spreading rumours about how he was cold-blooded and that he was heartless to have been so uncaring about Eugene. But he had thought that it was different with his guardians.

He thought that they had seen through his facade. Because they were his family. The ones that he loved from the bottom of his heart. He thought that they were keeping quiet because they knew he wanted to be alone.

"The boss we know would've been upset and angry.." Chrome added, sounding pained.

Her words pierced through his heart like a sharp knife. He felt as though all the emotions he had forced in was losing control. _I don't care? Why are you saying such things? You guys, of all people, should be the one to understand me the most! Why are you accusing me of this?_

It had hurt so much. Eugene's death had killed him within. He felt as though he had failed the boy. But hearing this words from his guardians, was like being stabbed in the back. Stabbed by his guardians. He felt betrayed. His heart was shattering.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Tsuna forced out, struggling to keep his emotions in check. _This is unfair. Why? Why are you staring at me like that? As though I'm not a human? I should be the one angry. Not you._

"Kufufu, I should've known this was your true colours, Vongola," Mukuro stated, an annoyed smirk on his lips.

_True colours? What do you mean by that? Am I, in your eyes, someone who is heartless with a warm facade? _

"You're not the Tsuna-nii I know!" Lambo sniffed from where he sat, glaring at Tsuna.

Clenching his eyes tightly, Tsuna took a desperate breath to calm down. His hands were trembling from the pain and anger.

"Tsuna.." Yamamoto now sounded as though he was begging, "Please return to the way you were.."

"I didn't change," he forced out, gripping the table cloth so hard that his fingers were turning white.

"Liar! You're not the Tsuna-nii I know! Tsuna-nii is kind, gentle and always thinking about others! You're just a cold-blooded murderer! Its all your fault that Eugene-nii died!" Lambo accused angrily, tears welling up in his eyes.

_"You're just a cold-blooded murderer!"_

_"Its all your fault that Eugene-nii died!"_

_Please.. I beg you.. just stop.. _

"That's right!" Gokudera shouted, "Return our Jyuudaime to us!"

_It hurts. Its hurts so much.. Someone.. please.. _

"Shut up.." Tsuna whispered out shakily as he felt the lock he had used to forced his emotions away cracking open.

"You're not the boss we know!" Chrome stated, staring at Tsuna almost in a determined way.

"Shut up..."

"Please, Tsuna!" Yamamoto pleaded.

"Shut up!" he snapped out, eyes flashing in hurt and anger, making them flinch in shock.

"What right do you have.." Tsuna began, shaking "To tell me to return to the way I am?"

"Because we're your family, Jyuudaime!" Gokudera shouted, looking pained.

Tsuna froze at the statement.

"Family?" he began softly, before glaring at them as he snapped out "Family?!"

Letting out a bitter chuckle and the irony of the situation, he found himself narrowing his eyes as he glowered at them.

"What family?!" he demanded to know with angrily, watching in a twisted sort of satisfication as they flinched.

"What right do you have to tell me that I changed?!" he shouted, his emotions now running wild as tears welled up in his eyes.

"You think I'm not angry? I'm not upset?! He was my brother!" he snapped, standing up from his seat angrily, _I hate you. _"I promised him! To give him a safe life! You think I wanted things to ended this way?!"

_I hate you. _

"I want to cry too!" he shouted, tears now streaming down his cheeks uncontrollably, "To lock myself in my room and never come out again! But can I do that?! Can I?"

_They were the reason he had changed. Because he needed to protect them. _

As he's knees buckled, he collapsed onto the floor. Moving to hug his knees to himself, he found himself sobbing.

"Do you know whats the first rule of being a boss?" he sobbed out, "To not show any weakness!"

"Ever since I've became the boss, you've questioned me so many times," his voice cracked, sniffing, "Doubting and doubting. Thinking that I've lost my conscience. Don't think that I don't know! You think I'm not afraid? I don't want to be seen as a cold hearted person either! But I have to!"

"Boss.." Chrome stared him in shock.

"I don't want to be a boss .." his voice cracked as he buried his head into his knees, "I don't want to experience this anymore.. Its so scary.. I'm scared.. I really can't take this anymore.."

"If I could.." he sobbed, "I would've cried too! In front of everyone! But do you know? That the moment I do that, everyone would dead! Because its a sign that Vongola is weak!"

"I-I thought I could trust you to see through the stupid boss facade!" he cried, "You said you were my family!"

"And yet.. a cold blooded murderer?" he sobbed out, "Its hurts so much whenever I hear the maids say that behind my back. But do you know? Just how much more it hurts when I hear my guardians, my family say that to me? You guys were the most important people to me in the whole world. I thought that you've known me long enough to understand the reason for my actions! And yet, why are you just like everyone out there, accusing me and blaming me?!"

"He was like a little brother to me.." he tightened his grip around his trembling self, "I promised him so much.. I was supposed to protect him.."

"Jyuudaime.." Gokudera's eyes widened, regret seeping into their eyes.

"Don't call me that!" he sobbed in despair, "You don't even trust me! I'm not your boss!"

"T-tsuna-nii.." Lambo whispered.

"Reborn was right..." Tsuna stated bitterly, "My guardians doesn't even think of me as their boss, much less as part of their family. I should've believed him when he told me to do something."

"T-that's not it!" Chrome rebutted shakily.

"Then what is it?" Tsuna forced out a chuckle, "I don't even deserve to be your friend, is that what you're trying to say? After all, I'm just a cold-blooded mafia boss."

"You're wrong, Tsuna! You're our family!" Yamamoto insisted.

"Shut up!" Tsuna snapped out angrily, eyes blazing, "Don't think I've never known what you guys say behind my back! I've never commented on it because I believed in you!"

"Sawada, calm down to the extreme!" Ryohei shouted.

"I don't want to!" Tsuna yelled out, clutching his ears tightly, not wanting to hear their voices, "Its so painful and I feel like I'm going to die already! If all you're going to do is hurt me even more then leave!"

"But-"

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" he cried out, tightening his grip around his ears as he sobbed. He hated everyone. Everything was so unfair.

"Sawada-"

"I SAID SHUT UP!" he buried his head in his knees as he cried. He didn't want to hear their voices. He didn't want to see them. He wanted them to leave. Every single of their words and actions were just so painful, he never wanted to experience them again.

Chrome opened her mouth to speak only to be shocked by a tonfa that flew across the room, slamming into the wall.

Hibari glared at them darkly, muttering under his breath, "Herbivores.."

Marching towards Tsuna, he glanced at his small form for a few second before sighing.

Leaning down, he place his hand atop of the brunette's head, muttering, "I'll only let you be a herbivore for today and today only, Omnivore."

Tsuna's eyes widened for a second before he buried his head in his knees with a small nod.

With that, Hibari stood up straight and turned to walk out of the room. Right before he exited the room, Tsuna whispered, "Thank you, Kyouya."

Hibari paused for a second before walking out with a small, "Hn."

"B-boss.." Chrome whispered, taking a few steps forward only to freeze when Tsuna whispered, "Leave."

"B-but.." she protested weakly and flinched when Tsuna shouted from his position, "I told you to leave!"

"Please.. I beg you.. Just leave me alone.." Tsuna started sobbing again, trembling.

"But, Jyuudaime-"

"SHUT UP! I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE!" Tsuna shouted, glaring up at them with tears in his eyes, "_I hate all of you!_ I can't take this anymore! Take it as I'm begging you! Please just let me off!"

They flinch at his words, the hurt evident in their eyes.

Tsuna didn't care. Compared to him, the amount of hurt they were experiencing was nothing compared to his.

"T-tsuna.." Yamamoto began again, almost in a desperate manner.

"Shut up! Leave! I don't want to see any of you ever again!" he shouted, clutching his head tightly.

They froze at his words. Staring at him in shock before they began to walk out, they glanced at him with guilt-stricken look as they stood by the door.

"Tsuna.." Yamamoto whispered finally, "I- We- .. Sorry.. I'm so sorry.."

As they received no reply, shakily, Yamamoto reached for the door knob.

The moment the door closed, Tsuna slammed his fist onto the floor, creating a dent.

"Why.." he whispered softly, tears streaming down his cheeks, "WHY?!"

_**Bonds aren't something you show by speaking. You show it through your actions. **_

_**~Fin**_

* * *

_Angst makes the world go round, the world go round~_

_Angst makes the world go round, the tears, anger and pain~_

* * *

Am I the only one who thinks this is really similar to my other angst fics? Oo.

I was hesitating about posting this up cause I was told that it was slightly.. messed up? But I did anyways.

Leave a review and tell me how you feel about it please?

Raita


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